Emotional Intelligence Part II: Get Real about your Job Search
By Ruth Silverman(Published in The Recruit, July 7 - 20, 2006)
In the last issue of The Recruit I defined emotional intelligence and described some of the ways it can impact your job search. One component of emotional intelligence is reality testing, the ability to view situations realistically, not inappropriately optimistically or pessimistically.
Reality testing can be challenging in stressful times. The loss of your job can lead to a decline in your self-esteem which, in turn, can interfere with effective networking and interviewing. However, staying realistic and avoiding what psychologists call "cognitive distortions" can help you avoid this pitfall. Cognitive distortions are errors in thinking that can impact on your emotions and self-concept. Here are some distorted thoughts that often creep up when you lose your job:
It was my fault I was laid off. This may be a cognitive distortion called personalization in which you see yourself as the cause of an external event for which you were not responsible. Layoffs most often occur due to business circumstances unrelated to an employee's performance.
I'll never get as good a job as this one again. This thought can be particularly harmful as it can lead you to feel desperate and apply for jobs below your capabilities or desired pay level; this may make you miserable in the long run. Several distortions may be at work here, including the fortune teller error and disqualification of the positive. Are you a psychic? How do you know what the future holds before you even start your job search? Also, the fact that you got your previous job wasn't a fluke. You were qualified for it and your qualifications have only increased through doing it.
Other cognitive distortions may come in at the job interview stage:
I can tell that the interviewer hates me already. It is normal to feel insecure going into an interview, but an arbitrary conclusion that the interviewer is reacting negatively can hamper your performance and turn this distortion, called mind reading, into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I blew the question about my weaknesses, so I'll never get the job. This is an example of mental filtering in which you dwell on a single negative detail excessively, as well as all or nothing thinking, thinking that if your performance is not perfect, you must be a total failure. What about all the questions you answered well in the interview? It is rare that even the successful candidate for a job has given a "perfect" interview.
That interview didn't go well. I'll never get a job. This is an example of overgeneralization and catastrophizing. Maybe that particular interview didn't go well because you were unprepared or having an off day, or because it became obvious that the job simply was not a good fit for you. This doesn't mean that you'll never give a good interview. If you take notes immediately after the interview on what you did well and what you would like to improve on, you can turn a bad interview into a learning experience for future interviews.
Writing this article has been easy for me because I've experienced several of these distorted thoughts personally. They are pretty common. The good news is that now that I've made you aware that these thoughts are cognitive distortions, you can practice catching yourself as you are thinking them and asking yourself, "What evidence do I have for this conclusion?" The more you engage in this reality testing, the less power these thoughts will have to reduce your self-esteem and the more confidence you will be able to project when networking and interviewing.
Ruth Silverman, MEd, CCC is a Counsellor/ Facilitator with SCCI Project Restart Ltd.