How to Get What You Really Want
Dream Big, Plan Small
Because we show videos of career counsellor Barbara Sher in our career planning program, I thought I'd read one of her books that has become a classic in the field-Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want (Ballantine Books, New York, 1979). Motivated more by duty than by desire, I was nevertheless beguiled by her enthusiasm, intelligence, and attention to practical detail. For Ms Sher's ideas are not exclusive to the career planning field. When she mentions in her subtitle what you really want, she means anything-any goal you can possibly imagine. Sailing around the world in a yacht. Travelling through Appalachia taking pictures and publishing your work as a book. Becoming a doctor when you're the divorced mother of a 2-year-old child.
Many people's reaction to dreams like this is Well, that's all very nice but I have bills to pay, I can't be gallivanting about indulging myself. Barbara Sher confesses great respect for this response and grapples head-on with "what is probably the single most universal and exasperating obstacle conventional 'wisdom' places in our paths.Money" (p. 122). She dreams big-and then works backward until she knows what the first tiny steps are. "There is no goal," she says, "-I don't care if it's becoming President of the United States in twenty years-that doesn't break down to something as simple as going to the library or the newsstand or picking up the phone" (p. 143).
What strikes me as unique about her approach is her emphasis on the negative. She dismisses positive thinking, appreciates fear, and encourages lower standards. This, you might think, is not the way to accomplish anything; yet my own personal experience says she's got the truth by the tail.
Complain, she says. If you've got problems, stomp around a lot, exaggerate your grievances, laugh at your ridiculous behaviour. Deeply rooted in us "is the mistaken notion that you can only do well when you're feeling good" (p. 104). Once your bad attitude is out in the open, then you can address strategic problems-every single one of which, apparently, can be solved.
Of course you're going to be afraid: "fear is the natural companion of creative action" (p. 199). Reading that line, I felt like Helen Keller understanding water. You can't wait for confidence. As Ms Sher points out, the only thing you do with perfect confidence is tie your shoes. And even that used to be frightening, but you did it anyhow.
One way to outwit the fear-she's fond of tricks-is to lower your standards. This is not as bad as it sounds because it's not a permanent condition. However, when you're beginning any venture, the rule (so important that she put it in block letters) is: DO IT RIGHT, DO IT WRONG, BUT DO IT (p. 211). You focus on the task instead of yourself-a prescription for happiness if ever there was one.
Her website (www.barbarasher.com) confirms that Ms Sher lives by her own words. The section labelled Barbara's Kilim Dream offers a glimpse at a fascinating goal: she wants to teach the women weavers of a Turkish village e-commerce so they can sell their kilims (rugs) via the internet. Small facts such as her ignorance of e-commerce and her lack of funds are not stopping her. She doesn't pull any punches on how tough this project is. But neither does she hide how madly she loves it or how satisfying is the pursuit of what she really wants. You too can know that satisfaction if you're willing to open her book and listen.
Gillian Derksen, BA, is an Employment Assistant with SCCI Project Restart Ltd, a free 17-day career planning program in Surrey. Published in The Recruit April 28, 2006.